The biggest threat to a middle-aged couple’s marriage isn’t a young cutie turning the husband’s head – it’s his wife.
In divorces among couples over 40, she’s the one who asks out of the marriage about two-thirds of the time, according to a new survey. And, more than a quarter of the men over 40 “never saw it coming,” reports the AARP, which conducted the study.
Only 14 percent of women were surprised when asked for a divorce. And women were less likely to stick it out for the kids’ sake in a bad marriage. Some 58 percent of men, but only 37 percent of women, cited children as the top reason they postponed a divorce for five or more years.
The surge in women packing in their marriages reveals a shift in women’s increased overall status.
“Thirty years ago, many of these women might not have been able to [divorce] because of lack of self-confidence and financial means,” said Linda Fisher, director of national member research for the AARP. “Women are more likely to have more self-confidence and the means to leave a marriage when the circumstances are untenable.”
The reasons for seeking divorce also varied by sex.
When women in the study sought divorce, they cited physical or emotional abuse, infidelity or drug and alcohol abuse.
Men wanted out because they fell out of love, had different values or because of infidelity.
Still, there’s good news for midlifers whose marriages have collapsed, according to “The Divorce Experience: A Study of Divorce at Midlife and Beyond,” which surveyed 1,147 people ages 40 to 79 who’d divorced between their 40s and 60s.
Eighty percent of the divorced people had a somewhat or very positive outlook on life, and 70 percent of those who initiated the divorce were sure they did the right thing. More than three-quarters of divorced people in their 50s entered into serious, exclusive relationships after their divorces, often within two years.
And, there’s a lot to be said for getting remarried.
More than half of those who remarried said they have sex at least once a week, while three-quarters of the divorced woman and half the divorced men claim never to have sex.
With Post Wire Services