One of my best girl friends and I recently hooked up, no strings attached, for the first time. Before she went downtown she looked me deep in my eyes and said, “Are you prepared to have the best [oral sex] you’ve ever had?” I just sort of went for it as sexy talk and got hot about it. Problem is, it wasn’t great. At all. Maybe it was the hype, but I think she’s actually just not that good at it. Should I tell her so she quits embarrassing herself in front of other guys with this lame-o setup?
— Dave, Manhattan
Hmm. This is a tricky situation — for both of you. But since you’re good friends, I think you should tell her. Say, “Look, I love that we went there, and that we can be honest and playful with each other, but I don’t think your [insert preferred term here] was all you’ve talked it up to be.” I mean, if she’s going to speak so highly of her skill, then she better follow through.
Stroke her ego a bit and admit that since it was only one time, you know she can do better. Suggest that she try again, but this time, talk her through it.
I mean, even if she doesn’t use this full-disclosure tactic as part of her “sexy talk” with other guys, the “job” she’s giving ain’t deserving of a raise. As a friend, you can help her perfect it. So take one for the team, and do her future hookups and potential hubby a big favor by helping her out. Good luck!
A guy friend of mine recently slept with a girl friend of mine. The girl has HPV, a fact that I know confidentially. She never told my guy friend because “he didn’t ask,” plus so many people have it and live with it. Should I betray her secret and tell him?
— V.S., Lower East Side
Rather than betray her by telling him, I think you should talk to her first. I’m not familiar with HPV, but I know that every time I go to the gynecologist my doctor stresses how important it is to continue getting yearly PAP’s to test for it because it can lead to cervical cancer in women. In fact, there’s even a vaccination you can get as a precaution, too. From what I’ve read at the Centers for Disease Control Web site, it’s super-easy to contract because it’s primarily transferred by mere genital-to-genital contact, which means just some minor rubbing could put your friend at risk, which is why, as you mentioned, so many people have it. (Scary!)
So I’d talk to your girl friend first. Find out if she’s using protection and if she’s spoken with her doctor about how far she can and can’t go without posing a potential risk to her partner. (Sometimes HPV is dormant and therefore doesn’t pose a threat. In fact, most infections are temporary and clear out on their own in just two years, according to cdc.gov.) If her doctor has given her the go-ahead to fool around without having to divulge, maybe just lay off.
But if she hasn’t spoken to her doctor, and they aren’t being careful, then before you get further involved and spill her secret, encourage her to make an appointment. If she just won’t budge and continues to be cavalier about the whole thing, then you’ve got to tell your guy friend. At that point, you will have tried to avoid betraying her, but you still need to protect him. She may not want to talk to her doctor about the severity of it, but he has every right to get the facts from his.
See, you’re already involved. Plus, it sounds like you have a conscience and don’t want their health on your shoulders. (Who would?) So I think you have every right to “go there” — with both of them — if need be.
Have a question? E-mail AshleyDupre@btc365-futebol.com and follow her on Twitter at @ashleydupre.