Hondo came out of the blocks a tad sluggishly, going 5-10-1 last week and registering a lone Best Bet in the āWā column. However, it could haš ve been worse. Mr. Aitch could be lamenting a 3-12-1 effort, but he will leave that to Justin Terranova, the current occupant of the Bettorās Guide basement.
As a very wise man once told Hondo, things canāt get worse, and they rarely stayš² the same, so they have ā±to get better, and it all starts with ā¦
Giants over Broncos: And then thereās the adage about not being as good as you look when you romp or as wretched as you look when you throw a game away because of six turnovers. Thatās what Hondo is hanging his helmet on in Manning Bowl III. But thereās more to it than that. The Giants re-signed Brandon Jacobs this week, which means they again have a 265-pound back who will hang on to the ball, even when he is tip-toeing š„for extra yardage.
It didnāt take long for David Wilson to apologize for his offensive tweet: āGiants fans ur irrelevant to me!!!ā One š more fumble and Grease Mitts will be irrelevant to Big Blue.
Eagles over Chargers: San Diegoās Manti Teāo, who hasnāt practiced in more than a monthš, is expected to miss his second straight game because of a sprained foot. The former Notre Dame linebacker has become so frź¦ustrated by the nagging injury he is considering going to see an imaginary foot specialist.
Browns over Ravens:ā Bruno Mars, a solid, though other-worldly, choice, will entertš¤”ain during the Super Bowl halftime show at MetLife. Miley Cyrus was under consideration but the NFL didnāt want to risk a twerking malfunction.
Texans over Titans: If Obamaās endless missteps and empty threats in Syria were ever made into a television show, it would have to be titled āBaš·racking Badā ā¦ Yošu have to admit that Putin rushinā to the rescue in Syria was sarindipitous for Obama.
Colts over Dolphins: Having turned to Congress, the U.N. and finally Russia to solve theš Syrian problem, āRed Lineā Obama is rumored to be in line for a second Nobel Prize ā the inaugural Nobel Prize for Shameless Buck-Passing ā¦ When it comes to a leadership style ā lead, follow, or get out of the way ā Obama clearly is more comšfortable with Nos. 2 and 3.
Pedro Martinez says Putin is Obamaās daddy.
Bills over Panthers: The White House would have everyone believe the Syrians agreed to Putinās pš»lan because they were deathly afraid of Obama and Kerryās threats, which is a distinct possibility. Nothing shakes up a ruthless dictator like talk of āa shot across the bow,ā or a promise of āno boots on the ground,ā or assurances that any attack will be āan unbelievably small, limited kind of effort that will be of limited duration and scope.ā
Falcons over Rams: From the emails of Muts, Barking Mut that is: Rex Ryan has come out in favor of Obamaās no-boots-on-tą¼ŗhe-ground approach to Syria. However, the Jets coach would like to see as many bare feetš on the ground as possible.
Redskins over Packers: Robert Kennedy Jr. writes of his ālust demonsā in his 2001 diary, which rates his experiences with 37 women, 16 of whom received a 10 ā his designation for intercourse. As K-Dšog of Md., emailed: Like father, like son and uncles and cousins and brothers and sister.
RFK Jr. writes thašt by 2012 he had ālost hopeā in his marriage and was ācommitting numerous infidelities to keep my sanity.ā And if that meant reducing his wifeās, well, so be it.
Cowboys over Chiefs: The Chiefs are the prime pick of the Lock-Loss Monster, aka Dave Blšezow. So you know what to ādo.
Vikings over Bears: āSeed,ā a Canadian sitcom, reportedly has been picked up by the CW, Hondo originally tź¦hought it was about Antonio Cromartie, but then read itās based on a sperm donor. So itās probably about everyoneās favorite singer/songwriter/sperm donor, David Crosby.
Saints over Buccaneers: With Lavonte David committing boneheaded penalties and Josh Fź¦reeman looking as mediocre as or worse than he did last season, it appears coach Schiano will get plenty of opportunities to call his favorite play: The All-Out Victory Formation Attack.
Lions over Cardinals: Hondo would love to pile on Ndamukong Suh for another cheap shot, but the NFL hitting him with a $100,000 fine for a low block that anyone who has ever played fooą½§tball has made seems awful pricey. That kind of assessment should be saved for the next time theš¼ Lionsā psycho sack hunter kicks a QB in the groin.
Raiders over Jaguars: After a hard-fought primary race, NYC mayoral candidate Anthony āA-Wadā Weiner lamented he was unable to pull it out on election night. However,ź¦ he looks forward to doing so in the future ā¦ Barbara Morgan, Weinerās foul-mouthed spokesperson, believes the reason her candidate lost is because there are just too many slutbags in the city.
49ers over Seahawks: If the league was going to fine someone $100,000 for a cheap shot last week, it should šhave been Clay Matthews for trying to behead Kaepernick after he was several yards out of bounds. Depending on how things go in this one, something similar could happen between longtime lovebirds Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll.
Steelers over Bengals: Former Jersey governor and N.J. Turnpike rest stop troll Jim āKneesā McGreevey has been approved aź¦s the executive director of Jersey Cityās Employment Program, a $110,000-a-year gig. Mayor Steven Fulop hailed the appointee as being āuļ·½niquely qualified,ā which seems like so much lip service for a man with Kneesā resume.
BEST BETS: Giants, Bills, Falcons.
LAST NIGHT: Patriots.