Sometime around 2010, when the college admissions frenzy was reaching its current heights, a woman called to ask if I could help her daughter with college applications. These calls started every April, when that year’s applicants received their letters and the parents from the 🐼year below began to panic.
I asked the mother, as I always did, to tell me a little bit about her ♑child.
“Well,” she replied, “she’s just turned 13 . . .”
I don’t remember exactly what I said. I’d had parents fly me to Europe to work on college essays in situ with a vacationing student, so I wa🌊s used to 🐷some degree of obsession. But four years in advance?
I’ve often thought of that mother, 💙whom I did not end up working for. She wasn’t wrong to wonder what she could be doing from middle school to help position her child for college (though signing up the independent college counselor was perhaps a bit premature). Aside from the obvious — support your child’s development, turn off the TV, find a way to sock away a whole lot of tuition money — there are some basic things parents can do to make the college application process a lot less daunting when it’s their turn:
1. Help kids follow their interests into the real world. Super-rich parents send their volunteering children to developing countries to show they care. For the rest of us, it’s as simple as helping a child learn what they can do with their passion as adults. Have a budding soccer star? Follow college games, catch an MLS match, talk about sports advertisements and the lives athletes lead. Does your daughter adore taking pictures? Get her to a gallery, download some ♋editing software, notice the pictures in newspapers and imagine what it took to capture them. Demonstrating how a beloved hobby can become a vocation can light a fire for a child — and lead them to distinguish themselves in ways colleges will love on their entry essays.
2. And on the subject of extracurriculars: It doesn’t matter what they are, or that there are a dozen of them. A child who is a member of every club and team will just be exhausted by senior year. The student who follows her own curiosity an🌳d pursues two or three things with passion — whether it’s yearbook or birdwatching — will demonstrate curiosity and dedication.
3. Pay attention to class requirements. I’ve known parents to secure language or math waivers for their kids when tutors weren’t enough to get them through core requirements. But most colleges have clear expectations of incoming freshmen: four years of English, four of math, at ꦜleast two of science, at least two of a foreign language. Make sure these basics are met.
4. Keep an eye on standardized test requirements. Some are better met early. If a student needs to take SAT Sub🍒ject Tests, it’s better to do so just after completing the relevant courses. So if US history is offered🎶 sophomore year, sign up for the exam that spring, when subject matter is still fresh, even if the SAT is still a year or more off. If it doesn’t go well, there’s plenty of time to make up some flash cards and re-take the test.
5. SAT not working out? The top testing tutors in NYC charge $1,000 an hour and up. Before the second mortgage, try the ACT; it tests differently, an𓃲d some students find it much easier. Th🐽is can work in reverse, too.
6. Encourage kids to take the hardest classes they can. Colleges want to see students on the way up, making bold choices and working as hard as they can, not cutting back on their opportunities to boost their GPAs. (This is true whether or not a school uses a “weighted” GPA, which means they sca💎le AP and honors classes higher than 4.0 to account for the increased difficulty.) A 3.8 with AP French and AP chemistry is much, much more likely to impress colleges than a 4.3 with ceramics and drumming in the mix.
7. Visit colleges early. The development offices of some colleges actually send onesies to the new babies of major donors. But even if Harvard didn’t ship a crimson romper to your firstborn, you can give your child a chance to explore colleges long before senior year. Informal visits deꦑmystify campuses and help students understand what all the fuss is about. Go see plays, lectures or athletic events; wand♔er a leafy courtyard on a fall day; take the dog to chase squirrels at the local liberal arts gem.
8. Visit colleges often. Some of my clients nipped down to Duke on their private planes, but your child can just be sure to attend college fairs and talk to the representatives of schools of interest. Each of these points of contact helps the student learn about the school and makes him more likely to stand out when it comes time for the admissions officer to argue for acceptances for kids in his district. The reps at the card tables at your local college event are the same people who greet the folks fresh off their Lear jet on campus, an💟d they don’t care how you got there. Just say hi, ask smart questions and be gracious.
9. Use your connections. Grandpa didn’t give the gym? No matter. Where did your neighbor’s kid go, that great boy who always held the door? The children of your co-workers? What about schoolmat𝔉es a few years older than your child — where are they now, and are they happy there? Learn about different colleges and their offerings by tracking the progress of kids from all over.
10. Make friends with teachers. By senior fall, a student will likely need two letters of recommendation from teachers — ideally one in language arts and one in math or sciences. If a teacher from, say, junior year seems an especi🌸ally good match, encourage your child to develop that rapport 𒅌so there’s no last-minute scramble in the fall.
11. Try to keep mistakes 🔥offline. Kids do foolꦯish things. But foolish things done on the Internet are indelible, and colleges have Google, too.
12. Consider your legacy. Not the millions you’ll leave to the college that accepts your child (though that’s great, too, especially for the grandkids), but the foundation of support that your child with take with her to college and into the worꦰld. Some oꦑf my clients thought nothing “counted” before junior year. Not so. A confident, capable college applicant is made in all the years that come before. Fourth grade is every bit as important as 12th, and maybe more so. Building character now will lead to a graceful transition when high school ends.
Lacy Crawford is a former college adviser and the author of the novel “Early Decision: Based on a True Frenzy” (William Morrow), out now.