On last Tuesday night’s episode of “The Real Ho🗹usewives of New York City,” the epic #Bookgate controversy heated up to new levels. Long story short, Carole Radziwill and Aviva Drescher each cla♊imed the other had a ghostwriter for their memoir, and they decided to articulate this through a yelling match at Aviva’s housewarming party.
Noꦑ one with any dignity will actually read a book “written” by a Real Housewife, so we’ve dug into what really matters 𝕴— literally judging the books by their covers.
Here are the absolute worst, f🔜rom “Why would I buy that?” to “I’ll pay you to never show me that again.”
1. “Leggy Blonde” by Aviva Drescher
While by no means the most visually offensive of the Housewives book coꦍverཧs, Aviva’s may have the worst pun. She has just one real leg (the other is a prosthetic, having lost a leg in a farm accident as a kid). Aviva has blond hair. Ergo, Aviva’s book is titled “Leggy Blonde.” And if you’re going to proclaim yourself leggy, maybe stand up and don’t cover said legs with denim.
2. “The Naked Truth: The Real Story Behind the Real Housewife of New Jersey — In Her Own Words” by Danielle Staub
The shadowy darkness actually befits Danielle’s dark, tortured soul. But why is she on the cover of a book called “The Nake🅷d Truth” and not naked? You know Daniell꧅e was dying to take off that dress. Who didn’t let this happen?
3. “I Can Make You Hot: The Supermodel Diet” by Kelly Bensimon
Kelly B💙ensimon will make you so hot, you’ll think you can pull off ripped jeans in your 40s.
4. “Hiding From Reality: My Story of Love, Loss and Finding the Courage Within” by Taylor Armstrong
This one’s really✅ just super-awkward. Not long after her husband killed himself, Taylor took to the page to detail the domestic abuse she endured under him. The Life🌄time look in her eyes is uncomfortable, to say the least.
5. “Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage” by Melissa Gorga
As Teresa Giudiꦯce pointed out, if this is a book about marriage, why is Melissa’s husband Joe not on the cover?✤ Joe is a hot little nugget too, so, major missed opportunity there.
6. “Little Kids, Big City: Tales from a Real House in New York City (With Lessons on Life and Love for Your Own Concrete Jungle)” by Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen
This picture must have been taken on a disposable camera, r🍌ight? And that kid running in place of an “I” in “BIG” looks like he belongs on the logo for a charity that teaches ill kids how t🍨o walk.
7. “Fabulicious!: Teresa’s Italian Family Cookbook” by Teresa Giudice
Teresa has had several books and most of their covers are fine. But this one, in which she strikes her typical pose while her mother and daughter stare at her𒆙 wistfully, is borderline creepy. Also, “fabulicious” is not, and never will be, a word.
8. “Class With the Countess: How to Live With Elegance and Flair” by Countess LuAnn de Lesseps
Nothing says “living with elegance and flair” like lying o🍒n your stomach on a ওrandom white bed.
9. “Life Is Not a Reality Show: Keeping It Real With the Housewife Who Does It All” by Kyle Richards
Kylღe Richards does it all, guys. She manages having a cameraman film her as she watches her young daughter pretend to vacuum. And somehow during this, she still manage🧔s to get dressed up in a ball gown and lounge upon her counter.
Lean in, indeed.
10. “Drinking and Dating: P.S. Social Media Is Ruining Romance” by Brandi Glanville
What is this slurry, Botoxed face? Because it is definitely not the slurry, Botoxed face of the Brandi Glanville that we have come to know and love. Meanwhile, the less said about that atrocious 🌌postscript the better.
11. “Inbox Full” by Catherine Ashley
She went by Cat Ommanney on “The Real Housewives of DC,” and we can only ass🌠ume the alternate byline is to distance herself from this aggressively awful cover. Those are literally M🎃icrosoft Word fonts that you’d see on a church’s spaghetti-dinner flyer.
12. “More Than a Housewife” by Vicki Gunvalson and Jeff Scott
The imagery here is so profound, so deep. On the right, we have Vicki in her typical Housewife party gear. BUT WAIT — on the left, we have Vick🦄i in business casual with a laptop because she is also a working woman and, YES, more than a Housewife. Lest you be confused as to who Vicki is, do not fret, there are oranges here that signify “Orange County.” You know what?🦹 the book’s publisher apparently thought: We need something more. I’ve got it, let’s throw on the world’s two worst colors for the background.