Movies

5 lessons about love from ‘When Harry Met Sally’

Itā€™s hard to believe, but itā€™s been 25 years since the Delicatessen Orgasm Heard ā€™Round the World first made it onto the movie screen. We speak, natch, of ā€œWhen Harry Met Sally .ā€‰.ā€‰.,ā€ Nora Ephronā€™s ź¦æ1989 instant classic comedy, starringź¦“ a youthful Billy Crystal and (trivia note: Albert Brooks and Molly Ringwald were among the original choices for the leads).

It follows a couple who meet after college, become friends and take about a dozen years to realize theyā€™re in love. Along the way, thereā€™s tą¼ŗhat memorable stop in Katzā€™s Deli, birthplace of the immortal ā€œIā€™ll have whašŸŽƒt sheā€™s havingā€ line ā€” uttered by director Rob Reinerā€™s mother, Estelle.

Here are five things ā€œWhen ą¶£Harry Met Sally .ā€‰.ā€‰.ā€ taught usšŸ€… about love:

Timing is everything.

Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection
When Harry Burns and Sally Albright first meet ā€” for what feels to them the worldā€™s longest car ride ā€” they došŸ„€ź¦nā€™t even like each other. (Actually, Sally says later, ā€œI hated you.ā€)

At their next encounter, Harry barely remembers her. The thirdšŸŽƒ time they meet, they become friends. And they stay that way for a very long time, though now and then ā€” but never quite simultaneously ā€” ź¦“one of them wants more. ā€œIā€™ve been doing a lot of thinking,ā€ Harry finally says, ā€œand the thing is, I love you.ā€ To which Sally responds, ā€œHow do you expect me to respond to this?ā€ Never a good sign.

Which brings us to lesson No. 2:

The ā€œsex partā€ doesnā€™t have to ruin a perfectly good friendship.

ā€œNšŸ¦©o man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive,ā€ Harry declares. ā€œHe just wants to have sex with her.ā€ Once sexual attraction does rear its head, he says, the friendship is ā€œultimately doomed.ā€

Sally, the pragmatic one, decides sheā€™ll stick with friendship: į©šį©šį©šį©šį©šį©šā¤ā¤ā™Žā¤ā¤į©šā¤ā¤ā¤ā¤į©šā¤ā¤ā¤ā¤į©šš’€±į©šį©šį©šAfter all, Harryā€™s the only person she knows in New York.

Wanting the same things ā€” or at least thinking you do ā€” just isnā€™t enough.

Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection
Sally learned that from her boyfriend Joe: ā€œWe wanted to live together, but we didnā€™t want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship,ā€ she tells Harry. ā€œWeā€™d say we were so lucky we havšŸ„ƒe this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kidāœ±s walking in.ā€

Turns out, the kišŸ’Ætchen floor wasnā€™t very comfortable.

Never mind what ā€œLove Storyā€ told you ā€” it doesnā€™t hurt to say youā€™re sorry. Especially if you mean it.

When Sally finally does break up with Joe, Harry ļæ½ļæ½goaą¦“ds her about seeing other people.

ā€œI see people,ā€ she replišŸ»es. ā€œSee peopleą± ?ā€ he echoes. Angry and cornered, she lashes out ā€” and Harry realizes he isnā€™t helping her at all. ā€œCan I say something?ā€ he offers. ā€œIā€™m sorry. Iā€™m sorry.ā€

ā™›For the moment, that heartfelt apology is her only consolationšŸ¬.

You can have everything else you want ā€œon the sideā€ ā€” but when it comes to love, stick to the menu.

A friend assures Harry that marriages donā€™t break up because of infidelity ā€”šŸ’ž ā€œItā€™s just a symptom that something else is wrong.ā€ Replies Harry, ā€œWell, that ā€˜symptomā€™ is fā€‰-ā€‰-ā€‰- king my wife.ā€

The moral: Have all the sauces you want on the side, but when it comes to love, be faithful to your entrĆ©e. With any luck,ā™‘ youā€™ll continue to have what Sallyā€™s having.