Too bad about the Ninja Turtles. In theory, these irreverent pizza-scarfers, who originated 𒀰in a 1980s comic book, could have been the kiddie answer to “Deadpool.” They’re sn𓃲arky teenagers, after all; they speak in surfer lingo and live in a tricked-out New York sewer with a Zen master rat. But this unambitious Michael Bay-produced version doesn’t seem interested in cleverness, cravenly settling for the usual generic CGI shtick.
“Out of the Shadows” is a sequel to the poorly reviewed but highly profitable 2014 original, in which the reptilian foursome sent their archnemesis Shredder to prison. Here, the criminal mastermind with the skateboarder name (played in this one by Brian Tee) breaks out with the help of a scientis♍t who’s gotten his hands on an alien teleportation device. He’s played by Tyler Perry, whose geekily evil laugh is pretty funny; he’s one of the only people here who appears to be enjoying himself. And why not? He gets the most preposterous lines, like “Inside everyone there’s a dormant gene that turns us into our animal ancestors,” and uses “purple ooze” ไto transform two dimwitted convicts (Stephen Farrelly and Gary Anthony Williams) into their inner animals, a flatulent rhinoceros and warthog.
A returning Megan 𓆉Fox is having less ﷽fun as the turtles’ TV reporter friend April O’Neil, who within minutes of her first appearance dons a schoolgirl disguise — complete with a midriff-baring shirt, a la ’90s Britney. Is this really necessary in a kid-oriented movie? Or at all? Perhaps it’s sartorial payback for Fox’s comment, years ago, that Bay (then her director on “Transformers”) was “a nightmare to work for.”
Meanwhile, the turtles’ tightknit bond is fraying. Brainy Donatello (Jeremy Howard) discovers the purple ooze may have the power to transform them into humans — if that’s what they want. Group leader Leonardo (Pete Ploszek) tel𒁃ls him to forget it, while tough-guy Raphael (Alan Ritcไhson) and comic relief Michelangelo (Noel Fisher) long to be normal.
Squabbles must be put aside to save the world (yawn) from an alien invader (double yawn) who opens a portal in the sky through which pieces of a “war machine” float, assembling thꩵemselves into a Death Star-like edifice over Manhattan. (Don’t get any ideas, Donald Trump.) Their owner, voiced by Brad Garrett, is a robot with its dise⛦mbodied brain protruding from its stomach — which looks, as one turtle puts it, like chewing gum with a face — not bad for a kiddie villain, actually.
Will Arnett returns as the narcissistic cameraman Vernon “The Falcon” Fenwick, while Stephen Amell of “Arrow” is a friendly cop and potential love interest for April. The biggest casting mystery is Laura Linney, playing the chief of police. But I suppose her theater and indie-film work doesn’t quite pay the rent. Director Dave Green (“Earth to Echo”) keeps thin𓄧gs moving along fast and colorfully enough to suit the most distractable viewer, occasionally pinging a projectile forward to justify the 3-D. But despite the title, the wisecracking turtles named for Renaissance painters are never allowed to shine. It’s a bummer, dude.