The ‘Kingsman’ movie series needs to go to rehab

Elton John is being held captive by Julianne Moore, who is a billionairess drug lord. Colin Firth sees phantom butterflies in the air, a nasty side effect of temporary amnesia. Pedro Pascal twirls a high-tech ꦆlasso while wearing leather chaps.

This is not a recap of “RuPaul’s Drag 👍Race” but the 🌄plot of the absurd new movie “Kingsman: The Golden Circle.”

🎶Ho🐷w did this promising British action series become so trippy?

“Kingsman: The Secret Service” was ingeniously simple — a sort of “My Fair Laddie” in which a low-class troublemaker got a crash course in social graces and espionage. It proved to be one of the best James Bo𒅌nd parodies ever, and its star Taron Egerton, as Eggsy, was a real dish. He still is.

But in “The Golden Circle,” the set-up and complications are like something out of a dream in which you become a supermodel astronaut who goes wꦅater-skiing at the Guggenheim. It’s just too damn weird.

“The Go♏lden Circle” is the name of a massive international drug cartel, owned and operated by a Suzy Homemaker named Poppy (Moore). Her unsavory crew hides out in a South American jungle in a surreal camp made to look like a tony ’50s small town, complete with a retro diner, theater and hair salon.

What Poppy pines for is the same respect the world gives to other female🉐 businesswomen — ha! — so she fights to get drugs legalized and legitimized. Her wackadoodle strategy? Poison all the risky substances, and o🐷nly provide the antidote if the president of the United States agrees to decriminalize ecstasy, meth, pot, cocaine and anything else that’s easily available on Eighth Avenue after midnight.

Eggsy, his K🌸ingsman pals and their American counterparts, called the Statesman — including Halle Berry, Jeff Bridges and Chan💟ning Tatum — are tasked with bringing Poppy down and saving millions of smokers and snorters.

Just as Kingsman is headquartered in a Savile Row tailor’s shop in London, Statesman hides behind a US bourbon distillery. The American stereotypes here are pretty wonky. Cowboys in Kentucky? “Take Me Home, Country Roads” as the anthem for the outskirts of Louisville? After the movie, why not chow down on some iconic 𝄹Maine pizza?

The sequel is still funny in spots — especially kung-fu Elton — an𝓀d the A-list cast hits the mar♊k, but ”Golden Circle” is too scattered and way overstuffed.

This (movie) is your brain on drugs.