Itās story time in celebville
Grammys, Emmys, Oscars, Tonys, Obies, Baftas, SAGs, Critics Choices, National Board of Review, Golden Globešs, MTV thinš”gs, GLAAD Media whatevers, Satellite Awards, Variety Club Awards.
Enough already. Next up, āThe Shovies.ā
Actors are us. Not speź§cial. Researching years back, hereās what I šlearned:
Sydney Telegraph: āKevin Costner bź¦«lew up at his [now ex] wife after she went on a shopping spree in Paris. āYou know how much our wedding cost?!āāā he asked.
Kelsey Grammer: āIāve gone to a dermatologistš to get a peel, which uses little crystals. One interviewer then said I sandpaper my face.ā
James Ulmerās āHollywood Hot Listā: āEthan Hawkeās rumored to have three nipplešs.ā
London Times: āBraź¦°d Pitt looked like a God in three dimensions but we didnź¦¦āt always understand what heās saying in that street voice. I think itās his own Brad language.ā
Entertainment Weekly: āHarrison Ford speaks with an accent so slight itās like the eqš³uivalent of a fake mustache.ā
In Playboy: Dustin Hoffmanās first sexual encounter at 15. The woman, 20, thought he was his older brother. Caught in the act: āI jumped off stark naked in the living room. Mightāve been the beginning of my acting career because they stood up and applauded. I likź¦ed that applause.ā
Matt Damon: āAffleckās brother&nbsą“p;Casey makes things up just to screwš up our interviews. He told People magazine I used to break dance. Enough!ā
Keanu Reeves: āOne false rumor had someone trying to selšÆl my spleen on the Internet.ā
Jennifer Aniston: āOne rumor said I crush aspirin to cure my flakyš scalp.ā
Daily Mail: Michael Douglasā son Cameron: āBeingź¦ in the famous Douglas clan isnāt bad. Helpful getting me jobs. But if yš»ou get a job solely on your name and you suck ā you just look like a real aā-ā-āhole.ā
Charlie Sheen poem per Anecdotage.com: āThereās a goat in my aāā/Living mainly on grass/They say the creature was stolen/Yet heą¹ feeds on my colon.ā
Mirror: Hugh Grant: āWhenever I was with a girl and she left the room, first thing I looked for š³was her diary. Good to know how deep girlsā insecuź¦rities go.ā
At full boil
Restaurants: Daniel Boulud, mixing and mingšled inside his just reopened š¦Upper East Side gold mine CafĆ© Boulud and wearing the equivalent of a squeaky clean bib, said: āA chef cannot walk out with an apron that has any spot on it.ā
Red, white & boo
Patriotism: With Hunter, Biden, Fauci, Menendez, Santos ā are we a great country, or what .ā.ā.
Moviemaking. New York wrš¤Ŗiter&nš²bsp;James Monteverde:
āI was a writer in Hollywood. My optioned script, ready for pre-production, then got scrapped. I realized the industry wasnāt interested in pro-American themes, quality scripts or the wisdom of āIn God We Trust.ā Theyź¦ wanted only scripts promoting sexual promiscuity, drug usage, gun violence and the cheapening of everyday life. Iāve written about ethics, jurisprudence, citizenry, America ā±first and āIn God We Trust.ā
āAnyone wanting such a project, let me know.ā
Manhaāttan apartment. Wife: āI liked it when you kissed me while we maš³de love.ā
Husband: āWhat do you mean, kissed you?! I was giviāØng you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.ā
Only in New York, kids, Only in New York.